Date Night

Okay. So maybe sometimes my wife and I aren’t in perfect agreement over what movie to see. I’ve been counting the days until Robo-Ninja Spartan Zombies hits theaters, and she’s been longing to see Love’s Lasting Notebook in a Bottle. Then there’s dinner. I think the all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet for $5.99 would be perfect, but my wife has someplace in mind where they use tablecloths and menus. Thankfully, both of us are so glad to have a little adult conversation without constant interruption that we would probably be happy eating PBJs on a park bench and staring at the ground. Of course, we spend most of our date talking about the cute / outrageous / hilarious things our kid does.

Whatever your dates look like, it’s crucial that you take the time for them—time to pour into your marriage, into keeping the spark alive between you and letting your spouse know that the sweet chemistry that once brought you together (however long it’s been since then) is still a priority to you, and that you are willing to put time and effort into keeping that connection alive.

Richard Exley writes that there are two types of marriages: Bad marriages and hard marriages. Others have said that nothing good ever comes easy. Making a marriage work is, itself, a lot of work. If you are pouring 99% of your time, energy, and resources into maintaining or improving your relationships with and commitments to your work, friends, or family members (including your children) and only saving that last little bit, the 1% left over when you’re basically drained and exhausted, then you are not supplying your marriage with the fuel it needs. Aside from your relationship with God, this is THE most important relationship in your life, and it deserves a corresponding amount of your time, thought, and effort.

Sydney J. Harris writes, “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.” Marriages require effort. You see, sometimes we treat our marriages like the family car. It has become familiar and comfortable, so rather than shining and waxing it proudly like we did when it was new, we see it as merely the vehicle getting us from Point A to B. A couple of times a year, we’ll treat it to something special, like a new set of tires or an oil change. Other than that, we assume it’s good. We rarely poke around under the hood to see if it’s getting a little dusty in there or give it a car wash ‘just because.’ We don’t replace something until it’s broken; the wiper blades squeak for a long, long time before we finally break down and buy a new set.

Don’t treat your marriage this way. Don’t wait for something to break and otherwise assume that all is working as it should. Your marriage is both a covenant and a priceless gift from God; it’s not your beat-up station wagon, it’s your shiny red Porsche. Take it out for a spin just because it’s yours. Treat it with love and care. Exercise preventive maintenance—fix it before it breaks, and it will take you miles farther down the road.

Dates are a part of this, because they show you still delight in time alone with your spouse, that you can still find fun things to do and interesting things to talk about. Family time is also critical, but time with just the two of you is nonnegotiable—it’s a must.

So find a babysitter. Take turns picking the movie, or compromise with Robo-Ninjas in Love. Ask God to help you to pour time and attention into your marriage by deliberately romancing your spouse, then watch and see how your relationship flourishes. And don’t forget the popcorn.